Thursday, December 31, 2009

Random #7


I hate people cancelling out on me. BIG TIME.

Seriously, you don't cancel out on people on the very day of outing and what's more it is the end of the year, new year's eve.

It disrupts my plan, my schedule, my state of emotion. Those who've cared would probably know that my recent rants were mostly about cancellation of meetings, outings, appointments and whatever. I used to have a sister to fall back on and now I don't since we've just recently fall out.

So much anticipation have been put onto it. And what's left is sense of emptiness.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Random #6

Happen to come across this from a friend:

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.-Hebrews 10:25

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Random #5

I don't believe it is so easy to grow out of friendships as at least especially those I've put effort into it. Otherwise my effort would be wasted which I refuse to believe in.

But then again, why do I feel as if I'm dispensable? Hated that feeling. Just a thought, am I important to those whom I've deemed as important in my life? I hate being taken for granted and unappreciated. I guess I'm lacking of some sense of security. Emo-ing.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Random #4

Maybe it is true that the higher the expectations you've got, the greater disappointment you'll get once those expectations are not met. Again, am I having too much expectations? A date that have been pre-arranged at least 2 weeks in advance, by theory, should not be very difficult to adhere to. However, why is it that it has been arranged over and over again? To me, a date ahich I have deemed as "IMPORTANT", I would have noted it down somewhere in my hp or daily planner so that I wouldn't missed it. By doing so, the date would have been imprinted in my head subconsciously that I would be so looking forward to the date. However, if such "plan" have been disrupted by unexpected cause, I'm totally fustrated that it seems that the date apparently does not meant as much to others. Maybe it is just me who treats appointments like this too seriously. But, once appointments had been set way in advance, I seriously hated any excuses to cancel or postpone the date unless it is really emergency. Perhaps, it is because i have tried to push away my schedule just because of the date. Really very depressed this week. Seems that so many things that i didn't anticipated have happened.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Random #3

I hate people ignoring me. Really. I don't understand why you don't wanna initiate a conversation during an awkward silence. Or many awkward silences. I tried to think of all possible stuff to talk to but I just can't think of any. Maybe you've tried the same thing also. That is probably why the awkward silences. I find it hard to swallow the silence, it is either we've finish talking all possible stuff already under the sky or there isn't any much things we had in common in the first place and we've squeezed out all things to talk to. Seriously, it irritates the Hell out of me that you din initiate any things to talk to. I'm not acting dao, or u might think so. Fustrated? Yes I am. I don't know is it because it has been a month since we've talked? To me, a friend whom you can't hold a normal conversation with is really saddening and hurtful. For some acquaintances whom I don't know well or don't intend to, I seriously don't give a shit if I can hold a one to one conversation. But for someone I see as a friend, it matters to me. Really.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Random #2

A sudden surge of lonliness overwhelms me when I knew that I gotta lunch alone. Again. It reminds me of the scenario on last wednesday(9 Dec 09) when I saw the Evo Lab people lunching together. And that was when Denise commented on me being lonesome in her usual joking manner. I admit I felt lonesome then.

Well, as usual I always feel this way every few months when the abrupt sense of emptiness just fills my heart. It is really awful. One minute I feel nice talking to fellow labbies in PSL and the next moment, I felt sad that the bonding between fellow labbies in TEL is just not as strong as in PSL. Really, the working environment means a hell lot to me. That is why I like working in CSCC admin team. Although sometimes work can be really mundane but it is the people that make your working experience felt much better. Seriously.