::Disenchanted World::

10 July 2004 Saturday this is one of the worst day tt i hv gone thru in my life...wat i can say is tt i really felt terrible n i nvr thought tt i m such a failure in my life... tt day was a normal day...nth was very wrong n i hv gone to the ava food lab open hse...everything was fine n i even hv blog on tt day...but...it was until at nite tt things hv happened...i was doing my math hw at nite n my mom came in to my study room n check on me...ok...its quite irritating tt pple check on u while u r doing hw...n watz worst is tt she kept complaining tt my room is in a mess...ya i noe its in a mess...but hello...i m doing my hw n u r telling me to clean up my room...ok i clean up some pts of the mess she told me to clear up...fine...den i continued to do my work...abt 20 min later she came in n saw another pt of my room are still messy...(btw my study room is really messy)...she kao bei n ask me to clear...ermmm...hello i hv already done my job...i told her tt i wld do it another day...ok den she left... aft tt i m bored wif my hw...i go online n do my blogging...my mom n my sis was at the living rm...i think its like my mom ask my sis sth n my sis like gave her the one-word ans tt my mom hates it...act rite...my sis is tt kind of pple tt got a little bit of ap...if u talk to her nicely she can b quite nice...i mean quite...but if u like shout at her...she wld either shout at u back 10 times louder or she wld annoy u by giving those one-word ans...i think tt her reply really pissed off my mom a lot tt she began complaining tt her both daughters r so called useless in the sense tt one is annoying her n always bo hiu her when she wants to talk n one is always online doing her own stuff n always gg out one...n she continue to digress tt we all r big liao...nxt time she wld juz go out wif my father n no need to care bout us cos me is like always gg out n like dun even "care" bout her...n she continue digressing....i kept quiet all the time cos when i reply...i noe things wld b much worst... aft tt...bout 1 hr later...she continued frm where she left off n continue digressing tt she noes her daughter hv grown up...n dun really rely on mother liao...unlike when we r little n kept sticking on the sides of our mother...n she says tt she only wanted to talk to us n it seeems so difficult cos one daughter is practically ignoring her though she is always at hm n one is always not at hme n even she is at hme she wld b online n when she is free which is aft she gone online...she wld straight away go to slp...n she continued she only wanted to say more we wld say tt she is very irritating n is nagging...frm tt pt as usual i was the first to brk down...n i din want to say anything still... i went back into my study room n cried...she came in n said she act very lonely in the sense tt her daughters r ignoring her...n she hv no much frens cos she is a housewife n she cant go out to work cos she gotta go for a dialysis...n my father is always working overtime n we stayed un private housing...the whole building only got 3 families...unlike hdb flat there will always b neighbours tt she can chat wif...n if time persists...she wld go mad...frm her words...i was juz shocked...tt how bad a daughter i was n wat a failure i m...i din noe tt my family got a communication breakdown...i cried even worse...n i felt really terrible...aft tt crying i tried to hold a conversation n began talking...n now i really try very hard to no go online so often...datz y i m blogging at this hr in sch...n the sentosa trip...i even tried to reach hme by 10pm though i cant make it...by i try...n even though she sort of banned me to go for any other grp outing...but i noe if i really wanna go...she cant stop me...but i try not to do this...datz y i dun really wanna go for the bbq on this sat...