::Disenchanted World::

Handicapped

I am feeling really depress after the doucumentary presentation in behavioural bio. Its not about the comments regarding the quality our group's documentary 'cos we are not experts in making videos and we dun have the start of the art recording devises unlike one of the group which had the help of a sony HD camecorder . Rather I just felt I am damn stupid. Firstly, I had no questions in mind in the Q n A session for the group presenting. Secondly, some of the questions that the class had for our group, are some questions that I might not have thought about it. Hence, even the class posted their questions to our group, I did not really answer as one the group member is rather good at answering such questions and he got the facts well.


It just dawned on me why is that I did not have any questions to ask? Is it because I did not understand what the documentaries of other group was saying or I simply did not have a questioning mind. Obviously, I belong to the latter. Being a Science student, I ought to be ashamed of myself. Some of the TAs and Dr Lim had quite good questions regarding the aspect on how the behaviour of the animal relates to conservation issues. Such concept have been brought up in class during the previous lecture where we had 2 hrs of documentary. Yet, I am too slow to see such interlinks as I am not accustomed to think "out of the box" which is especially crucial in the topic of conservation.


These real level 4 bio students caught the concept really fast when they started blasted on the implications and adaptive functions of behaviour. Its not just about the fact that I am a level 3 bio student taking a level 4 core module that puts me at a disadvantage (*eventhough you do meet some of the legendary names in the "U05XXXXX" cohort taking the module*), rather I am feeling increasingly handicapped in my language abilities. I know I am not good in expressing myself be it in terms of writing or oral skills. This probably explains why I prefer to keep quiet and not ask any questions fearing that my poor language skills would be the laughing stock of others. This feeling of insecure made me question my ability if I can make it through my Honours year. I know I gotta put in all my best in my final year, yet I can anticipate that my effort might just not be enough to write a good thesis since I knew I lacked of the analytical capability that these current level 4 seniors have.


The most sadenning of all is that perhaps what I can do is only to memorise information that is readily available in the open-book exam. Even with this only capability of mine is now failing to work as time passes by.